Folks need a place where they can feel safe and be with people they trust, where they can make meaningful connections with others and to their own sense of spirituality. We all, especially parents with children and youth, must find ways to connect with the healthy pieces of our lives and to resist the worst aspects of popular culture. Through media and being "plugged in,” we are constantly confronted with a culture that highlights unhealthy things: drugs and alcohol, violence, consumerism, social "isms" (e.g., sexism, racism), and "keeping up with the Joneses" and/or competing for promotions/grades and popularity.
Divisions in beliefs and priorities can make it easy to feel isolated and lonely. According to sociologist Robert Putnam’s book “Bowling Alone,” the disintegration of communal life in our country began in the 1960s as fewer adults attended religious services and civic engagement decreased. Zach Rausch, lead researcher for the book “The Anxious Generation”, explains that over time, youth have shifted from lives focused on free-play and community-centered activities to smart phones and social media. The shift has taken a toll. In the 2010s, teens without a religious affiliation started reporting that they felt lonely, worthless, anxious, and depressed at much higher rates. However, religious teens did not. Participation in a religious community was shown to offer protection for teens against these negative psychological changes.
As Rausch writes, “the secret is likely not any particular belief system itself, but the way organized religion and shared beliefs bind communities together.” Attending religious services, working, spending more time with trusted adults, and spending time with friends in person protect the mental health of teens in a way that virtual communities do not. In other words, churches offer individuals a valuable “third place” (i.e., a social environment outside of the home and school/work) that is open and inviting, where they are comfortable and can engage with others who share their values in a positive way.
Individuals and families who actively participate in a religious community experience several benefits:
- Participating in the rituals and programs of a religious community provides stability, consistency, and structure in people's lives that they otherwise would not have
- It gives them the opportunity to search for truth and meaning and to work with others to make their wider community better
- It connects them with other people who appreciate their support and in turn will support them if they experience a time of need
- It offers folks a place where they can be validated and accepted
People who identify as religious have been shown to have lower rates of depression, anxiety, drug addiction, and suicide. Participating in a religious community can help foster improved self-awareness, self-discipline, empathy for others, and emotional intelligence (which can be a better predictor of success than IQ, where you went to college, or what your grades happen to be).
Joining a community of like-minded folks who are there to help you explore some of the deeper questions of life can also help build resilience, which is particularly important to help children thrive. Studies in children show that emotion resiliency develops when they:
- Connect with other, non-parent, healthy adults that serve as role models
- Connect to school and to church
- Get involved in the rituals, structures, and activities of those institutions
- Have care givers who also participate in the rituals, structures, and programs of those institutions
These connections provide emotional stability for kids in the face of a tumultuous and high-pressured, fast-paced world. They provide something kids can rely upon when nothing else in their world makes sense. These connections may be the only anchor they have, whatever the socio-economics of their lives might be.
Given all of the demonstrated benefits, why don’t more people join a religious community? Many adults have been turned off by the dogma and restrictive views espoused by the religion they grew up with and are disappointed by the use of religion to support political or anti- science ideologies. Their concept of organized religion does not make them feel welcome.
If the idea of “religion” holds negative connotations for you, please know that there are ways to explore spirituality without aligning oneself with a particular religion. Some “spiritual communities” are based on shared values and don't require members to accept established creeds or dogmas. Some support spirituality with a focus on ethical behavior and are welcoming to all, regardless of their prior religious affiliations (or lack thereof), beliefs (even if agnostic, or atheistic), or sexual or gender identity. ALL religions have something of value to teach us if practiced ethically, regardless of denomination or creed. No one religion is the right fit for everyone, but Americans are blessed by having the freedom to explore what religious community is right for them.
It is worthwhile exploring the religious offerings around you. Being a part of a community can expose you to new ideas or new ways of interpreting your life and give you the opportunity to share your heart and values with others. Consider taking some time to learn more about the religious communities in your area...you may surprise yourself and find a second “home” to help you navigate the turbulence of life, and you just might find it to be rewarding and fun at the same time.
Information on religious institutions in your area can be found online by searching for "churches/synagogues/mosques near me" or visiting local town websites. Best wishes on your journey.
Rebecca Stadolnik and Russell Hart
Members, First Parish Church of Stow and Acton
https://.
fpc-stow-acton.org/
